I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
