I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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