Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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