just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
