Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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