he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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