How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
