i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
