you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
