Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Randomize
