moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.