4 words: hood of his car
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.