You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.