Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight

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  (212): I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight http://tfl.nu/y0tm
  Replies (2) Good night (918) Bad night (525) Order T-Shirt
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  (408): View more from California

  I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.

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  (408): I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks. http://tfl.nu/3tl8
  Replies (12) Good night (1332) Bad night (420) Order T-Shirt
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.

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  (901): Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks. http://tfl.nu/cmzt
  Replies (21) Good night (648) Bad night (4506) Order T-Shirt
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.

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  (613): Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors. http://tfl.nu/tkq1
  Replies (20) Good night (8334) Bad night (951) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check

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  (847): there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check http://tfl.nu/dzvq
  Replies (7) Good night (3945) Bad night (1202) Order T-Shirt
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.

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  (785): A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard. http://tfl.nu/wz0w
  Replies (10) Good night (2888) Bad night (851) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.

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  (817): I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number. http://tfl.nu/dwaz
  Replies (1) Good night (2636) Bad night (576)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.

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  (603): 4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin. http://tfl.nu/zsng
  Replies (16) Good night (849) Bad night (6562) Order T-Shirt
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.

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  (613): I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously. http://tfl.nu/6j29
  Replies (3) Good night (1724) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You slow clapped the stripper last night.

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  (215): You slow clapped the stripper last night. http://tfl.nu/fdwr
  Replies (4) Good night (2915) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.

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  (630): Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face. http://tfl.nu/i080
  Replies (8) Good night (476) Bad night (1148) Order T-Shirt
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Found the puke drawer

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  (910): Found the puke drawer http://tfl.nu/lcvb
  Replies (6) Good night (391) Bad night (1612) Order T-Shirt
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine

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  (440): when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine http://tfl.nu/xy6d
  Replies (7) Good night (1422) Bad night (521) Order T-Shirt
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real

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  (812): gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real http://tfl.nu/mhxe
  Replies (4) Good night (1122) Bad night (212) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  We can put you in charge of something

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous

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  (214): We can put you in charge of something (1-214): I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous http://tfl.nu/dlb7
  Replies (3) Good night (1007) Bad night (195) Order T-Shirt

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