But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom