just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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