you're like a bully in the Christmas story
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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