I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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