glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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