you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
