giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
