I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
