Pants 0. Shit 1.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
