My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
