I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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