3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
