after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
