The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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