Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
