i just sent this text using only my big toe
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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