Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
