you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
