Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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