I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a waste of cheezeits
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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