think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
