The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
