Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
