just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
