her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
