I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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