We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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