dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
