Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
