I will die if light touches me.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
