If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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