I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants