Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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