I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
