Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
