Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
