You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
