My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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