i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Randomize
