i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
