'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize