I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
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We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
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I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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