I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
