he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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