In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
