so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
