You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I would fuck him just for his dog
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
