I'm eating all of the evidence.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
