Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
