Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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