True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I could fuck to npr.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
