You smell like stripper and shame
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
