I'm eating all of the evidence.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
