his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
