Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
