i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Randomize
