they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
