so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
