1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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