Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
