I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
