I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
