HIV tests are more positive than that guy
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
