so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
