there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
