Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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