PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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