This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
